I have felt that feeling again tonight
Saw the eyes of my father in my friend
Heard the four
Most evil words
from a trust, I felt sure in
“If You love me…
there is in it
a gamble
not worth pursuing

it is to tread waters of solid friendship
how it bends
for one need not another
I do not want to bend
Nor can I any further
The arch in my back holds a boulder on a twig
In the mud over a racing river

are the tears of now worth it
Do I deserve this?
For proving my worth
Or are they
wrong for testing it?
I wish she knew of my heart ache
Of all my weakest moments
But most of these days
those moments belong to her

To what do you owe your savior?
Did they really save you?
Or are you now in a new kind of madness
Trapped in the same game but a different classroom
Never learning how to ask for an exit

Ill give you a hint
They never built a savior or an exit
You are your own key
And prison

Now I sit in my sanctuary
Undreaming dreams and unfriending thieves
That I no longer wish for
Away from familiar

I see that I am always the same
Will always be the same
Just less and less
Hopeless
Less of service
Less capable of letting you behold it

My key
My prison
You may no longer be a hold of it

I know a certain kind of sadness
That does not want to wallow
It nurses your bruised frame
And lets you release
Whatever you found to shackle yourself with