Jan 2019
My father
My dad
My rock
The foundation of our family
You are in so much pain
I can feel your broken spirit
I see the yearning for peace in your soul when I look you in the eyes
Which is not as often as i'd like anymore
The sickness gave you an excuse and a good shake and now you don't realize the bonds you might break
I am angry at every cell
Those mother ******* cells.
I am so angry
And my heart hurts all hours of the day or night
I can't stop it and I don't know what to do
I cry alone and smile at the people who melt on by
But hey,
At least i have a dog and my feet have ten toes, my clothes have no holes and my underwear is clean.
At least most of the time
And my love is grand
At night I have trouble sleeping still.
My chest above my breast gets harder and deeper every day.
I am drowning in it.
It's full of rubble and dust, fire and gasoline
I am choking on the heat of the smoke and the sut is traveling down and settling in my lungs painting a new picture in my body
My father couldn't teach me enough to understand until I experienced it, that one thing everyone knows to hate.. cancer
The deafening rise of smoke consumes every thought in my mind
When I was 13, my father sat me down and told me that getting drunk was like kissing the devil on the lips and my naive little head didn't understand that it was meant more for him than for me
Growing up I never saw him drink
But ultimately he found that the drink paired nicely with his diagnosis and that he was always thirsty
This man who calls himself my dad, is someone I've never known.
I choke on the words to tell him I miss him, but the smoke is too thick and I can't see him anymore
He is not my dad when he drinks
He was my coach
My biggest fan
My most favorite comedian
My best friend
He doesn't see the bonds he's broken and cancer gave him a good shake
But now he's blinded with a bottle and he's bound to the bar
He's gone, I cannot find him.
I wish I could breath underwater to put out this fire
I am choking and my chest is heavy
My lungs are green and molded over now and the carpet ***** up my feelings of regret and apathy
It grows up my throat to my tongue and speaks for me
Another drink please
My dad
My rock
The foundation of our family
You are in so much pain
I can feel your broken spirit
I see the yearning for peace in your soul when I look you in the eyes
Which is not as often as i'd like anymore
The sickness gave you an excuse and a good shake and now you don't realize the bonds you might break
I am angry at every cell
Those mother ******* cells.
I am so angry
And my heart hurts all hours of the day or night
I can't stop it and I don't know what to do
I cry alone and smile at the people who melt on by
But hey,
At least i have a dog and my feet have ten toes, my clothes have no holes and my underwear is clean.
At least most of the time
And my love is grand
At night I have trouble sleeping still.
My chest above my breast gets harder and deeper every day.
I am drowning in it.
It's full of rubble and dust, fire and gasoline
I am choking on the heat of the smoke and the sut is traveling down and settling in my lungs painting a new picture in my body
My father couldn't teach me enough to understand until I experienced it, that one thing everyone knows to hate.. cancer
The deafening rise of smoke consumes every thought in my mind
When I was 13, my father sat me down and told me that getting drunk was like kissing the devil on the lips and my naive little head didn't understand that it was meant more for him than for me
Growing up I never saw him drink
But ultimately he found that the drink paired nicely with his diagnosis and that he was always thirsty
This man who calls himself my dad, is someone I've never known.
I choke on the words to tell him I miss him, but the smoke is too thick and I can't see him anymore
He is not my dad when he drinks
He was my coach
My biggest fan
My most favorite comedian
My best friend
He doesn't see the bonds he's broken and cancer gave him a good shake
But now he's blinded with a bottle and he's bound to the bar
He's gone, I cannot find him.
I wish I could breath underwater to put out this fire
I am choking and my chest is heavy
My lungs are green and molded over now and the carpet ***** up my feelings of regret and apathy
It grows up my throat to my tongue and speaks for me
Another drink please
My dad was diagnosed one year ago with leukemia. He started drinking about the same time. Change is the only constant, but too much at once is making me uncomfortable in my own skin
