I LOVED YOU CARELESSLY AND SLOPPILY, LIKE YOU HAD ANSWERS ID SPENT MY LIFE SEARCHING FOR AND I LET BOYS DIVE INTO MY HEART HEADFIRST HOPING THEYD FEEL LIKE YOU
OR THAT I WOULD FALL IN LOVE WITH ALL THE WAYS THAT THEY DIDNT
BUT I REMEMBER YOUR EYES THAT NIGHT AND THAT MEMORY STILL CHASES ME

I SCRIBBLED OVER THE THOUGHT OF YOU UNTIL IT TASTED WRONG LIKE ITS SUPPOSED TO BECAUSE I WANTED TO LOVE MYSELF AND I WILL SAY WITH GREAT SINCERITY THAT I AM HAPPY NOW

but i remember
i was a fool
i wanted to beat you,
i wanted to be ahead but there’s a stigma and a consequence with every life ive lived.