it is not enough to want,
is it?
we've been shown
time and again
that it is not enough
to want
to need
to try and fix
to give it one more go

to take a break--
no stop don't go i need you please
-- and to reunite, with new butterflies in the stomach

and though you held me and reassured me
that we can still be friends
("you will always be my best friend,"
you said and i believed,)
i guess it's just painful because
all my nights spent reassuring
that i loved you for and despite your flaws,
your haunted green eyes,
the way you opened up to me,
the way you became when you were upset, angry,
the strength you don't know you have--
were all for nothing.

all the while you always told me,
i'd find a man who would be better for me,
more there,
and who would treat me how i should be treated.

and i could never convince you
that you were always the best for me,
always there,
and treated me better than i ever have been.

and though i am in misery,
have not slept because you are not here with me,
have withdrawn because without you i can't seem to function,
i suppose it's better that there is still you and i,
even if there is no we.