I used to believe in fairy tales and unicorns and Santa on his sleigh.
And then the facade started to crack, just a little day by day.

And finally one afternoon the wind slightly sighed
And a crisp broken-off leaf of Fall tore down what once stood by.

And now I'm left quite shattered and there's not much to give.
Because now that all I've known has come to be false, I'm just not sure how to live.

And there's just too many pieces I'm afraid I can't even begin,
To put back together and whole the facade I once lived in.

The sun doesn't seem to shine as bright anymore and even the stars look a little dull
And I can't get rid of the constant nausea I feel in my stomach and my soul.

Coach says I need to write this stuff down but I don't think I really can.
There's a certain piece inside of me now accepting that everything's ******.

What little belief I had in love, what tiny delicate piece
That belief is magically gone now, blown away like that Fall leaf.

Perhaps I'll get over it one day. Perhaps I'll overcome.
But until that day decides to dawn I won't say a word to her, not one.

She cheated on my father. Stole his money and viciously lied.
Took all of my college fund and gave it to some no-namer I'll call Clyde.

His real name is a bad word. Forever in the trash.
And anytime somebody mentions the word "Mother", I look for the closest wall to bash.

There's just so much anger, as if everything is tainted red.
Sometimes I can't sleep at night playing the events over in my head.

So I've developed a relationship with sleeping pills. A dependency I hide.
Sometimes when I try to take nights off the monsters rush in from outside.

Yet I never drown myself in my tears nor breakdown and cry.
Because I've got a father already down that street and I have to stand tall by his side.

When I found out the news and had to tell him late one night,
Seeing my great Dad cry was the absolute worst sight.

I held him while his rugged frame shook and gave him tissues to dry his eyes.
Slipped him Tylenol to cure his heartache, a little pill with a surprise.

It was that very night that I realized not all of us could break and cry.
So I knew I would have to be stable and hide any teary eyes.

When everybody is down and wandering without hope,
there has to be somebody to stand tall.

Somebody to help cope.

So I can't break down. Because then everybody will be truly lost.
I've learned to stand tall.

No matter what the costs.

But no matter how hard I try, no matter what means I take,
I still always wake up with dried tears caked on my face.

It's funny that that happens because I go to sleep without tears.
But maybe that's how it works when your conscience switches gears.

I don't have to act tough because I'm soundly asleep

and I can't tell myself to stop

as I sleep and silently weep.