she tells me
i don’t deserve this
and i pretend to believe her
i pretend to agree
i pretend i do not blame myself
i pretend to not find fault in every breath
i pretend like i am happy
i pretend it does not hurt
i pretend
i pretend
i pretend
because maybe for me
pretending is praying
it is sending these things away
hoping for a generous ear
and god is the universe
and i hope that she is patient
and i hope she is forgiving
and i hope that she is there
more than anything
she is there
she has to be