I’m a fixer
Which is good cause I’ve done my fair share of breaking
I don’t like to throw broken things away that I’ve come to cherish
I’d rather put them back together and hold onto them forever
Hence the stacks of ancient computers that boot up like new
Including the one I fixed for you

I get anxious when things aren’t in their place
And that includes you
You’re not in your place
And I’m anxious

I’m no longer mad
But still hurting, ******* I’m sad
I got into a screaming match with the wood planks on my floor
I thought I won but now my voice is hoarse and the planks are fine
So maybe I need to reexamine my definition of winning

You’re a poet
You think I hate your poetry
Truth is I think it’s good
Sometimes a little cheesy
But this diet makes me miss cheese more than anything
Until I chased you away, without giving you a chance to explain
Now cheese is second

No amount of distractions can get you out
My neurons only know how to include you in their paths
You’re along their journey
Always a stop on the way to their destination
You’re a piece of every thought I have

I’m sorry too
Sorry for losing my head
But can you blame me? Can you get mad?
Sure you can, but I think you can still understand

When my father, who up until his diagnosis, was less than empathetic
(And that’s being generous)
Told me to let go of my anger
I stared at that text with beady eyes, swimming in a blurry ocean
Astonished
How can a man, alienated by choice,
Give advice so simple and so pure?
Then he called, and he cried too
He cried with me, for me, and for you

This isn’t over, it can’t be
Because one of us isn’t dead yet
You know what I mean
When I say it like that

I can forgive, I’ll try to forget
My trust isn’t broken, just in need of some elbow grease
Just another repair job
A bump in the road
A tarnished doorknob can still be turned
This fixer needs a helper though
To get the job done

We are offerings to each other from the world
Or from Existence? The Universe? Circumstance? Nature? Or God?
Or... God?
Given to each other to help us grow ourselves
To learn more about ourselves
How can we reject such a holy atonement?
A test from the cosmos
They’re watching us, with baited breath
To see which ending we choose

I know we can make it
But no more charades
No more one foot out the door just in case
Take the icy plunge knowing there’s an island for us
Warm and calm at the end of our swim
I’ll be your rock, your all-in, your one hundred percent
Steadfast in protecting what we’ve made, what we are
But it will only work if you’re those things too

This fix takes two
It’ll be easy if we try
There’s no instruction book
It’d be long and confusing anyways
Probably written in a different language too

Faith is required
(I know, coming from me?)
You made me believe
In something I was sure wasn’t there