broke my promise
the one I made
sitting there
on that park bench freezing
sharing coffee
conversation
naive and smiling
you looked at me
up from two weeks
of abuse
I could never understand you
how you laughed at my jokes
how you flashed eye contact
as you poured a second sugar
I could never understand you
it was cold
and you had a white scarf
tucked over your jacket
good god I loved
how you looked and
you told me how
proud you were
how we were in this together
and how
your acting was going well
I did my best to listen
I was in cold sweat
and shivering
and you talked on your
audition the next day
some part
some play
I can't remember
--good god why can't
I remember--
all I do is remember anymore
the way you would walk
the way you would talk
how you would just go
on and on
and the world would seem bright
again if
only for seconds
and somewhere
deep inside
under the cold
something frozen
would thaw in me
and I can still see that smile
why did I ever let you
leave that park bench
we could have sat there forever
hands folded and freezing
you in that white scarf
and that white smile
good god I loved
the way you looked

you talked and talked
marvelous things
you were going to be an actress
and I was going to stop drinking
we'd buy an apartment
on the east end of town
maybe
a house with a yard
maybe
a boat on the sea
you could paint that picture
so nice
and we'd sit there and imagine

oh
just to have you
on that park bench
again