I smelled cigarettes and cancer
When you stood behind me
You've smoked your brains out
And lost every bits and pieces of you

You used to be a boy
I was very fond of
Until the day you closed your heart to me
And I really thought you left

That you dug up the chest I buried
Brought back what was stolen from you
But you still linger around
You still flow my mind
When I recall memories
Of young selfless love

I wanted to meet you one more time
And I wanted to help, I swear that I tried
But you showed me no interest when I typed
And then looked wide-eyed when I said goodbye

I remember a boy who wanted to be a writer
Wher is the innocent soul I used to cherish so much
Why did I and the time change you
Why'd you become a person I don't even want to know

I thought I was over you, over our late night conversations
I thought I didn't miss you anymore
But now the only thing I can think of
Is the cancer growing inside of you

Don't you see it's killing you
I would kiss chapped lips again if it meant healing you
And I would breathe the cigarette smoke to stay beside you
I would do anything to help you fight with this type of cancer

But you don't want my help, do you
You thought you'll never meet me again
And maybe I'm the only one of us two
Who's affected by that one time I saw you

And heard your voice
Oh god, it's so hoarse and so different
And it's bitter, talking about school
And I wonder how bitter it is talking about me

I know, it was my choice to let go
To let you go down the cliff of disappointment
And never visit your grave ever again
But that doesn't mean I don't miss you

Remember when I wrote you in the summer
I wanted to say something like "hey, I finally know
What I felt, just so you know you've never left my head
And I'm proud to say, I love you in a very different way"

But then I didn't say it
You were too closed
Too distant to hear that
And I'm sorry I messed up

But sorry in this pitiful poem is
Such a meaningless apologize
For all the pain that I've caused
For all those sleepless nights

At the end of the day, I brought this upon myself
I at least partly made you into a man you are today
And when I see you, I love the memory of you
That I buried close to my bed

But that's it - you are just a memory
And the memory boy you were is no longer there
I can only ask where did he go, why did he leave
But the answer is always untold but so very known in my head