I’m laughing without breathing, my heart can’t make no sound, I feel myself lie in your arms and your arms held my ground. I’m the only pebble on the beach. The wind skims my skin and wraps around my neck and head. Blowing through my ears, until the sound of the clarity rushes through my lips. Does your heartbeat relinquish your fragility? No, Rachael, because this is not your dream, this is my reality. This beat, this tempo, is a rhythm of accusation, whilst your words defy meaning and lack concentration. You are but a fragment of light. Be still my dear heart, quiet my wandering mind. Be still. Do not flicker or quiver under this light. This sun’s dream is not for your day.
I’m exhausted by the very thought of you. By the burning flame I find smouldering in your eyes. My mind finds no peace. Here. You cause me to ask questions that I cannot answer. The very thought of you exhausts me. Your lack of integrity astounds me, your ingenuity befalls me; your haste quickens my desire. You are but a prism, a facade to bury the light. Your darkness is but a shadow of your former glory, your effort is benign and lacking, there are holes in your story. And when you are alone at your loneliest hours, your drink from the heart of those who live with light in their eyes.
I feel the heat on my fingertips, lost in the moment of a kiss from your lips. And as I lie, I lie, complete in your arms, my lack of worry enhances your charms. I cannot begin to beg to differ with your mind, your words are cruel, your body is kind. Restlessly I drag my hands across your back, making a movie, a different soundtrack. Why can’t some other conviction lie crestfallen at my feet? My belief is astute, my morals are neat. I do not heart you. I am not lost without you. However I feel useless and bound, whilst I watch you run aground, and I see you drowning up on the shore, I realised this is not me, the one I was looking for.
I feel my sides, my ribs ache for your arms. You, you, you I see from the corner of my eye. Counting the moments under your breath, whilst you kiss the back of my head and ask me how I’m doing. I’m fine, I’m fine, I repeat after time; for shall my ribs crack and my hips stretched out for the story, I wish I had nothing more than to feel your glory. To fit in your hand, to be lifted to the wall. I hear her voice it takes the beauty from me; for you just to lie down and take asylum and be free. And this is not your story, no, it never was, it was a reason why, it was your reason because.
And i? I am mindful of what we choose to do. I am mindful that life beats with you. But still, again, but still, I can’t help to recompense, that the size of your heart leaves me feeling immense. Her body is lost to me, my hands useless and found, for I hold your hand, whilst you run aground.