What is death
it would seem like the end of life
but does life really end
when one life dies there is still more life beyond
maybe death is just part of the cycle
like death is the opening of a candy wrapper and eating the candy
death is the wrapper that no longer holds anything of value
death is the shell that is now empty
death has no inhabitant
so what is life
the thing that makes everything move possibly
not just simple movement
but conscious movement with a thought of where it's going
so when life and death meet
where does life go
and why does death stay if it is really here
if there is one thing I feel
it's weight
life and death weigh on me every day
pushing me down
making everything take more effort out of me
like I am made to suffer just so I know what pleasure feels like
life is pleasure and pain
death doesn't feel anything at all
life is finite and infinite
death is life's shadow knowing one day it will be gone
when life finally dies
death lives forever and becomes nonexistent
and there it is
nothing
the thing we see when we are looking for something we cannot find
that's what is weighing in my heart
what am I looking for
some kind of sign that there is magic to ease the suffering of life
if not to make it thrive despite being constantly surrounded by death
I feel as though magic is science that cannot be explained by modern terms
maybe one day
but not today
my own life isn't so mundane and yet I don't want it
I feel it calling me closer
it's voice getting louder through time
time which was merely invented
all I see is motion and motionlessness
panic and calm
love, hate and indifference
my love and hate battle while indifference plays video games
ignoring everything and every thought
because reality is ****
suffering is how I know it's real
I don't want to be real anymore
I don't want to dream anymore
just let me sleep
I am tired
but no
I have to keep going
I have to see the end
I can't give up on my secret search for what I consider magic in my time
what is magic in my time
well, it's love
unconditional love from someone who isn't your mother or father
someone who chooses to be your family
it's a pleasant surprise that doesn't end in an instant with a dose of harsh reality
magic is having your pet be your equal like another person
it's knowing that when you die, you will be fine
it's being being real in a world of fakes
or being fake in a world of real ones
magic is the opposite of reality perhaps
the imagination at its' finest
or worst
you decide
*****
you think I'm done
I'm not
I'm just getting started