I’m a mess.

There comes a time when I just need to work on myself.
There’s a hurricane raging in my head, constantly telling me to walk right through it, knowing I won’t get out alive.
But then there’s another thought.
The thought comes when I’m most comfy-alone.
This thought is just as dangerous as the rest
I don’t know why I have them-
Well, actually, I do.
It’s me wanting to give into that hurricane.
It’s me telling the hurricane, that it needs to get closer so I won’t have a chance to run away
The constant want to just walk right through and never get out
As a human, my feelings aren’t normal
I shouldn’t want these things to happen to me
I should want a future
But truly
I don’t care.
I don’t want to be a hotshot lawyer
I don’t want to marry so young- I do the person
I don’t want to have kids young
But in our generation
We are pushed.
We are pushed to provide for the families we don’t have yet
We are pushed to do better
We are pushed to make the generations stronger and more advanced.
This, is not living.
This is being a robot.
This is torture.
This is not happiness.
I strive for thought that maybe I could give my kids something I didn’t have
Give my kids the money I didn’t have
My thought are that my happiness doesn’t matter because I will never be happy again

To be continued

Im a mess.