I don’t emote like you
I take emotion potions
to deaden the world around me
why should anyone be subject to this
no care so no care oblivious
to the stats even though they surround you it’s a secret like I’ve
done something wrong
because my mind wants me dead
and you say it will all be ok
but no one can tell me how it will all be ok and my body is tired and frail and worn and ripping at the seams
and for someone like me it just
has to be this way
I don’t want to stay
and I can’t leave
and there’s no other options
for any reprieve
take your meds go to therapy
wait for darkness try to survive
this is your life
deal with it until the energy leaves
and it’s a stalemate with
a bed and drawn curtains
certain this is the end
and then I wake up and cycle again
and I just want to know
when I’m allowed to be too tired to go on without guilt trip songs about
how everyone hurts if I don’t anymore
but what about me
I guess I’ll take the saddened states
of everyone while I’m alive
just so they feel alright and tell me
how it will all be ok
when none of it's ever been ok

~kb