Cold

I have never been so alone, Mother Nature no longer care to send even the tiniest animal my way to help cheer me up and all Father Time does is cry for me.
We fear even tho I am an adolescent that I grow cold with age, less willing to care.
I want more,
For than hate, more than doubt, more than suffering,
I want a meaning, a reason to live,
Because with meaning comes joy, joy removes hate for room for herself, like two heart swap love, joy and hate will swap seats in my head.
Once joy gets comfortable she will invite love, as joy sets my mind free from its rage and clears the confusion, love will thaw my heart, my heart frozen from time and neglect.
But hate is here to stay, he will never leave.
Hate is king and with fear as his right hand man and an army of doubts they rule my mind.
I’ve come to realize my mind is gone, my soul dark as night, and my heart cold as stone on a winter's day.
I’ll never be normal, never be loved, never be free.
Free from the nagging dagger in my back, it wedges itself in my spine and laughs laughs knowing i can't reach it to pull it out, It know joy and love shall never enter my heart or mind even if I wanted them to they can't save me.
I say it's a good thing, after all joy bring love, love bring pain. Pain of lose when they leave, when I can't help it but drive them away by shielding my heart I put up a wall, it keeps them all out and me safe.
I may be alone but I am alone and free, free to wallow in self pitty, free to feel as cold as I want without hurting others.
So alone I stay, cold and unfeeling.
Soon Father Time shall stop caring and Death shall beckon me into the darkness, closer and closer to the abyss of hate.
When that day comes when the gods themselves can't thaw my heart and my mind is so opposed to love than nothing can get me to care.
I will walk, I will walk with patience throw that open door, I have no fears. I will follow the darkness because no one else wants me.