Jan 2019
everyday nostalgia sits comfortably on my chest
as i ponder upon certain details of my past:
the wholesome sound of the combination of the
laughter of my family members one christmas evening,
and the pool of honey that is my best friend's eye illuminated
by the light of a fire during that one winter night, and the
smell of dandelions on the verge of dying last spring
while walking home from school
most especially, there are memories that have way too
much power over me which are more general and less
focused on details: the one time i stole 2 books from the
book store with my friend because there was no way i’d
spend $60 on them, and the one time i watched a concert
with my friends front-row for free in the summer and
being so happy we couldn’t believe it was free, and the
many times my friends and i took an unfamiliar bus all
the way down to the last stop because i wanna get lost
so badly
and as my mind presses playback on these memories,
i sit and try to decide how to feel, because whether
good or bad, a memory is a memory and i am
given no choice but to reminisce
ultimately it’s a reminder that i’m not in full control
of my life, because i can’t be the audience and the
actor at the same time
i wish i could relive these memories — but i’ve learned
there is a good reason i can’t
because it is also a reminder that i'm growing, that i'm
not the same person i used to be yesterday, that everyday i'm learning new ways to live with what i have and what i am
most of all, it's a reminder that i'm alive
i may not be in control of what's behind me, but i am
in control of what's in front of me, and it's my choice
whether there is something beyond
we are not given the opportunity to relive certain
memories but we are given the privilege to make
new ones
and although we are stuck in this same old routine of
making memories and looking back at them once it’s
all over, it’s the peak of what being human is
it’s proof that we are making the right choices and
spending our days the right way, so much so that we
want to relive them
it’s a paradox, but i believe it’s life’s way to let us
know everything we do is worthwhile
and being able to relive something more than once
will lose its value and meaning
granted, all memories are probably glossed over
and fabricated in ways that we want to remember
them, but it keeps us wanting more — it keeps us alive
as i ponder upon certain details of my past:
the wholesome sound of the combination of the
laughter of my family members one christmas evening,
and the pool of honey that is my best friend's eye illuminated
by the light of a fire during that one winter night, and the
smell of dandelions on the verge of dying last spring
while walking home from school
most especially, there are memories that have way too
much power over me which are more general and less
focused on details: the one time i stole 2 books from the
book store with my friend because there was no way i’d
spend $60 on them, and the one time i watched a concert
with my friends front-row for free in the summer and
being so happy we couldn’t believe it was free, and the
many times my friends and i took an unfamiliar bus all
the way down to the last stop because i wanna get lost
so badly
and as my mind presses playback on these memories,
i sit and try to decide how to feel, because whether
good or bad, a memory is a memory and i am
given no choice but to reminisce
ultimately it’s a reminder that i’m not in full control
of my life, because i can’t be the audience and the
actor at the same time
i wish i could relive these memories — but i’ve learned
there is a good reason i can’t
because it is also a reminder that i'm growing, that i'm
not the same person i used to be yesterday, that everyday i'm learning new ways to live with what i have and what i am
most of all, it's a reminder that i'm alive
i may not be in control of what's behind me, but i am
in control of what's in front of me, and it's my choice
whether there is something beyond
we are not given the opportunity to relive certain
memories but we are given the privilege to make
new ones
and although we are stuck in this same old routine of
making memories and looking back at them once it’s
all over, it’s the peak of what being human is
it’s proof that we are making the right choices and
spending our days the right way, so much so that we
want to relive them
it’s a paradox, but i believe it’s life’s way to let us
know everything we do is worthwhile
and being able to relive something more than once
will lose its value and meaning
granted, all memories are probably glossed over
and fabricated in ways that we want to remember
them, but it keeps us wanting more — it keeps us alive
