Ever since I was little someone was always better than me. In third grade the boys could always run faster and the girls had beautiful long blonde hair and could always walk with grace. I could never understand how they were so perfect. No one wants anything from you in the third grade.
And my sadness never asks for much but it always seem to ask for something that I cannot give.
My sadness is like when you have a cold and you cannot breathe but with me it’s the thought process of ‘oh i’ll never be able to breathe again’. Even though I know I’m being dramatic or maybe I’m not or maybe I am or maybe I’m not as adults tell me when they say to perk up and ask me ‘what do you even have to be sad about’.
And that’s the thing. I can never pinpoint exactly where the sadness started or what triggers it. Nor can I ****** mystery it where I have the huge buliton board with all of the picture of me with tears streaming down my face with string connecting the pictures.
But I can tell you about all the weird times. Like when I was writing a thank you note and none of my words were stringing together like they normally do. As if they were laughing at me. As if they see me hypervenalating in a room full of my friends and me not knowing where It’s coming from or where it’s going.
Them asking me what’s wrong is such a loaded question they should instead ask me where I’ve been. Ask me when and where I was when I felt that I have completely lost control of my life and when I began just going through the motions.  
And I know the Earth is revolving around the sun and the stars are just watching but I just have the aching feeling that I am an undiscovered planet that NASA has somehow not detected (with all of their millions and trillions of dollars why can’t they find this ***** blonde hot mess?) and the Earth is simply turning away from me.
My sadness isn’t humorous but laughing at it is the only way I can explain it to people.