I look into my pocket and I find a card
On it my photo, my identity
Is this really me,
Or who I'm supposed to be?

I go to sleep in fear, not for me
For someone else.
No alcohol to numb the thoughts,
No book to lose myself,
No film to ponder.

I turn to writing these things
In my head, in my mind,
All around.
At first something to leave my body,
Grapple with my fears
Before being taken by exhaustion.

Failing that I feel the need to cry.
Now is the first time I truly
Miss my old friend,
Someone to talk to 'til i sleep,
Comforting and kind
To reassure my mind.

I realise that writing this down
Could result in its finding,
My thoughts and feelings falling into
Wrong or right hands.

Maybe its what I want deep inside.

Regardless I do not want to stop
For the tears well up inside.
Besides, this kind of creativity
Doesn't come too often.
Something like this should be taken advantage of,
It may well be useful.

But had this be found
Please not by my kindred,
Or those that I live by.
For their worry would be needless,
Like I pray mine to be...

As I come to the end,
My heart is happier.
Temporarily free of it's burden
But my stomach still undergoes
The brutal battering of the storm inside,
Tearing it apart,
Unknowing to the world outside.


But it will die down.
After a good nights sleep,
A new day and some company.
Least this way I can remember another feeling,
Another experience
I can say I have achieved.
Before I go to my sleepless grave.