i wish i could escape the thought
of her kissing my cheek
my lips
my neck
but it plays over and over in my head
like a song.

i wish i could escape the thought
of him being just a memory
no longer in flesh, rather
a flashback of my youth.

i wish i could escape the thought
of his hand
lingering too long on my back
or grazing my chest.

i wish i could escape the thought
of tears rolling down her cheek
as i tell her about that night
knowing my pain all too well.

i wish i could escape the thought
of not being good enough
of being a disappointment
to them
to myself.

i wish i could escape the thought
of not stepping on the brake
of having one too many
of seeing crimson liquid spilling from my wrist.

maybe then,
i could finally
escape.