How do you say you have something to confess?
That you have a gaping hole in your chest
any time you think of your future
Because nothing is ever for sure
Nothing is set in stone
Because you can’t see yourself
You can’t see yourself living
for someone, for anything
When she says you don’t look okay
You say you are
but you really are not
You are pretty far from okay
You’re boring with a
side on annoying
You’re ignorant with a
side of oblivious
You’re anxious with a
mountain of depression
You can’t even put your
own thoughts into words
As the thoughts that run through
your head at speeds faster than light
And thoughts of depression are
always the hardest to fight
Depression that’s there when you’re during your happiest days
How do you run when your legs are
screaming and your feet bleed
and tear through the shoes you wear?
How do you escape when all
you do is sit and go nowhere?
How do you feel happy when the first time you’ve ever been truly happy
is with her in your arms?
How do you talk about the demons without breaking them out of their cages?
How do you talk about feelings
and your lack of emotions
without knowing what they are?
How do you tell her how much you love her without breaking down?
How do you open yourself to someone when no one has ever wanted you to?
How do you live when the bad days out weigh the the good by thousands to one?
What do you do when you shut down and shut up when you start writing or talking because you’ve been called annoying in the past for talking very little?
What do you do when you force yourself to never get attached to anything because whenever you start become happy, life slams you back further into the abyss?
What do you do when nobody on earth hates you as much as you do?
What do you do when you look into a mirror and hate what you see?
What do I do when my greatest fear is having someone see me as I see myself?
How do I say I miss you and that I’m sorry
I’m sorry for always saying it
But I’m sorry that you met me
This is not a confession
It is an apology