Dec 2018
The doctors say you have a diagnosis
That your diagnosis is anorexia nervosa.
What the heck are they talking about?
Maybe I should listen to them, I don’t know, I’m so full of self doubt.
I thought I knew myself so well
They say you lose yourself and identity in the process
What process?
Of trying to be thin?
You don’t know who you are.
You should've known that, can’t you tell by your scar?
Still don’t believe your diagnosis? You’re in denial!
Why can’t you see this? It’s not healthy to be running mile by mile
What about the mini diagnoses in the process?
What about the OCD, BDD, PTSD, oh! don’t forget about the osteopenia…
This disease isn’t what you wanted? Why? You’ve heard the glamour in the media.
What’s that you say? You want to stop?
You can’t stop now, keep going, you’re making jaws drop
Wait… this isn’t what you wanted.
You hate attention.
Take each day as learning a new lesson.
You’re gone, it’s taken over.
Machines are beeping, bags attached with long tubes.. Why aren’t I happy?
Your blood pressure has dropped, and your heart rate reached 43 today too, congratulations! That’s nothing new.
Doctors say living like this, you have a few years left.
Of course that’s what happens when you’re playing with death.
All because you don’t think your beautiful.
Now you're stuck here, laying blankly in a hospital bed.
After all it’s your fault, you believed it, when they said you’re better off dead.
As your mind races, you channel that little girl you used to be.
White blonde hair, big blue eyes, you were happy, nothing else mattered.
Playing, running in dress up clothes, singing Disney songs, running to mom and dad.
It was the best life a little girl could have!
The only thing you needed to worry about was the paint and how you felt the colour.
Why did that little ever deserve this pain and torture?
It’s time to wake up from this living horror.
Lifeless, depressed, but still fake smiles show through, this is an allusion.
Soon this disease became the only thing you knew.
Your smile was beautiful, your hair was long,
This is a facade.
Your game of Russian roulette is like holding a lightning rod.
As you grow older, the memories, statements, and voices will soon fade.
You learned something new through your hospitalization.
Time to create more life worth living moments, those are here to stay.
The bullying, your ex boyfriend, your grandpa's death, it all doesn’t define you.
Remember facts about yourself, your own personal characteristics, that’s what people find interesting.
They don’t notice or see the aspects you find belittling.
Your vision of a sea of white still has time to change
Save yourself now before you make others live a life of pain
After all, your identity is not your diagnosis.
If you just focus,
You have the power to change...everything...
That your diagnosis is anorexia nervosa.
What the heck are they talking about?
Maybe I should listen to them, I don’t know, I’m so full of self doubt.
I thought I knew myself so well
They say you lose yourself and identity in the process
What process?
Of trying to be thin?
You don’t know who you are.
You should've known that, can’t you tell by your scar?
Still don’t believe your diagnosis? You’re in denial!
Why can’t you see this? It’s not healthy to be running mile by mile
What about the mini diagnoses in the process?
What about the OCD, BDD, PTSD, oh! don’t forget about the osteopenia…
This disease isn’t what you wanted? Why? You’ve heard the glamour in the media.
What’s that you say? You want to stop?
You can’t stop now, keep going, you’re making jaws drop
Wait… this isn’t what you wanted.
You hate attention.
Take each day as learning a new lesson.
You’re gone, it’s taken over.
Machines are beeping, bags attached with long tubes.. Why aren’t I happy?
Your blood pressure has dropped, and your heart rate reached 43 today too, congratulations! That’s nothing new.
Doctors say living like this, you have a few years left.
Of course that’s what happens when you’re playing with death.
All because you don’t think your beautiful.
Now you're stuck here, laying blankly in a hospital bed.
After all it’s your fault, you believed it, when they said you’re better off dead.
As your mind races, you channel that little girl you used to be.
White blonde hair, big blue eyes, you were happy, nothing else mattered.
Playing, running in dress up clothes, singing Disney songs, running to mom and dad.
It was the best life a little girl could have!
The only thing you needed to worry about was the paint and how you felt the colour.
Why did that little ever deserve this pain and torture?
It’s time to wake up from this living horror.
Lifeless, depressed, but still fake smiles show through, this is an allusion.
Soon this disease became the only thing you knew.
Your smile was beautiful, your hair was long,
This is a facade.
Your game of Russian roulette is like holding a lightning rod.
As you grow older, the memories, statements, and voices will soon fade.
You learned something new through your hospitalization.
Time to create more life worth living moments, those are here to stay.
The bullying, your ex boyfriend, your grandpa's death, it all doesn’t define you.
Remember facts about yourself, your own personal characteristics, that’s what people find interesting.
They don’t notice or see the aspects you find belittling.
Your vision of a sea of white still has time to change
Save yourself now before you make others live a life of pain
After all, your identity is not your diagnosis.
If you just focus,
You have the power to change...everything...
