it has been almost seven months, and i am moving on

maybe that’s what i’m calling it. maybe that’s not what it really is; but then again, how do you move on from the person you once called love and ached to hold their hand as tightly as you held their heart?

maybe it’s not moving on. but it’s healing

i have someone ( s ) new now. i text them good morning every time i wake, and they don’t grow irritated when i forget. for the first time in a long time, i dream about them instead

healing, i suppose, is not as hard as i thought

we haven’t talked since that day in the changing room when my phone dinged and i broke down. we haven’t talked since those minutes, those seconds, when my world crashed and burned and broke and froze over all at once

i didn’t hit send when my grandmother died

but g o d , did i want to

they are good to me, these new someone ( s ) . they are everything i ever wanted but convinced myself i wasn’t good enough for, and sometimes i miss you. but it is less and less every day as i fall further and further for these two someones who love me for who I am, right where i am

maybe i am not good enough for them, but i will strive to be

they are there on the mornings when getting out of bed is hard. they are there when my health catches up with me and im short of breath. they’re there day in and day out, in all ways a someone can be, and i love them

the way i once loved you

but it’s different. they will not leave – they are here to stay, and i love them

i want to shout it from the rooftops - that i am content, i am in love with two people, that i feel like i can breathe again

not b e c a u s e of them

but w i t h them

maybe one day we can talk again. maybe, my chest won’t ache with every reminder of where you once were. maybe we can both be happy, apart, because my heart is no longer yours

it belongs to the girl with the short hair, bangs, laughter like sunshine. it belongs to the girl with the cropped hair, kind words, silly quirks that make me giggle until my stomach aches and i’m in fear of my mother hearing because it’s midnight and I’m supposed to be asleep

i love them with everything i have, wholeheartedly, and hope you the same

wherever you may be

because i am gone, and so are you, but we are not both so far gone that happiness is unattainable. my hands lace with the hands of the girls i love, and i hope you the same

i am healing, i am moving on, and i wish you the same

after all, we are not an ending

we are a beginning