There’s something about being depressed that you can never wrap your head around. I just don’t understand my feelings ever, I can’t be happy for a genuine moment because I’m just always so sad and upset. Even when I should be happy or when I have no reasons to be upset, I’m still sad. I just can’t get out of this haze of being depressed, it’s killing me. Sleep is my only friend and even then i can’t sleep a lot and I have nightmares. Being okay is something I just can’t seem to be anymore. I just wanna disappear, not die just not be here. I couldn’t **** myself but maybe just being gone would be nice but to be gone I have to die but dying would upset people and I don’t wanna upset people. It’s like no matter what I do I can’t win, I can’t win. I worry people or upset them so I keep everything to myself because I’m scared for them to all know what’s going on in my head. My head is a war zone, I am constantly at battle with myself. My anxiety makes everything so hard and such a struggle and then my depression just gives the final blow. I will never win and that’s something that truly terrifies me. I feel like I will never truly be okay and maybe I won’t but, the feelings and thoughts are taking over and I can’t breath and can’t do anything about it, and it’s truly killing me. Maybe someday I’ll be okay but, that’s just a distant dream. Happiness is a distant cousin that hasn’t been to town in a long time and might not come back. While on the other hand, depression and anxiety are two constant friends that will never leave.