I can't have kids.
Now that I said it just please accept it.
I could lie to you and say I was in some sort of horrible accident that rendered me sterile.
I could lie and say his ***** is slower than fish swimming in a barrel.
I could lie and say we wish for such a miracle. but we don't.

at the end of the day my mind is rattling. in the morning it never wants to start. when I try to think about happiness then an arrow deflates my heart. nerves and worries are like sparrows nests in my head. i cry for those that lived, i cry for those that are dead, and i cry for myself because my mind has never tried producing enough chemicals to make me happy. it's not the run of the mill stuff, it's deep **** treading through and it is rough.

I see no reason to bring a kid into this place. If it were diabetes or heart problems people would respect my decision space. without children i feel no sadness. it's one less soul that doesn't have to see my mind's madness.