This time around I am not.

what i was back then.

for all of you that knew me

my madness was my test

i cannot tell you much has changed

but i can say now how far i will not go

into the dark of my mind

i choose to leave alone

my feelings once where strong.

now fading into a mist

of rain that doesnt nourish much

gracing the earth with its non existence

i cannot take this place.

the human race is dead.

they fall from trees like burning leaves,

never to blossom again.

******* all for not trying

when all i do is mourn

not just for me but for everything

you will never know what its like to carry

the weight of it all.

and why would i want things to be different

it’s a fight that never ends

find myself in someones arms

their hollow little limbs.

wishing they could be more like me,

is something too strong to wish.

they ****** their uncertain ways

across my trampled body.

fine, go **** yourself.

or better yet some souless body.

because that will satisfy your thirst

will fill the void within,

I am sorry I could not cut it.

although i know i tried

somehow i didn’t see

this is all some game to you,

why the **** would I want to win.

for it is I who cannot fit

within these confines no one else sees

go find yourself, your victim,

to play mind games with.

i have all the cheats for life..

but it’s no fun when you’re the only one

no fun when no one can see

that life is one mold-able piece of clay

if you dont care then why should i

it seems to me that life is good, it’s grand, it’s great

but when no one see’s it as you do

it can feel pretty empty.

so once again a paradox of contradictions cloud my mind

time is running out and i no longer care.

despair is something i now welcome

why close the door on fear?

i will invite you in, please drink this sin

and be happy that we are here.