The breeze breaks me down, I trudge along this tiresome road and its only been seven days. I should be getting closer. The truth is, I don’t know exactly where I’m headed, but I tell myself it can’t be worse than where I've been. The strength, it comes from god knows where, sometimes I want to fall apart. To wither away and fade out into the night sky. Just like a star that is safely covered behind the pollution of humankind. Confused. I’m bruised with sadness, battered by lifes mistakes. I no longer want to be the victim but it feels like the safest place. Alone in my isolated state I don’t know if I’ll be OK. Sometimes I want to scream at god and see if a miracle can just take my place.
I’m lazy. I’m tired. I always give up.
I want badly for this to change. I cannot seem to keep my sanity as it always manages to slip away. In a cage of dark resentment, is where I’m most content. Finding freedom from myself in sleep when everything turns to black. I am the cause of my sorrow, the battle is with myself . I am the person I’m most upset with for my responses to cards I've been dealt. Now I’m stuck in an infinite circle where I can’t seem to get up and run. Creating all the madness, I play with loaded guns. I’m trying to find my balance, on lifes uneven log. I begin to cross it and sometimes wonder…maybe I've got it all wrong? Why don’t I just let go, why am I so clasped on? My tense arm twitches with hesitance as I begin to sketch my dreams. Finding truth in tragedy, inspired by the maladies that never seem to leave. I’ve torn out all the chapters, not pleased with all the turns. I sit with bloodied hands surround by a blur. Encased by obligations I set upon myself. What’s the point in trying if it never seems to work.