Seriously I’m surprised it took me this long to explode, i know I’ve began to crack prior to this, but nothings ever shattered
For all the times ive had reasons to blame or an explanation to pin
But this one shackled me in my head and demanded isolation
-A friend I haven't seen in a while
Accompanied by a low frequency of feeling and high frequency of tears
Push away the people who love you in order to not feel like a burden
Make jokes about all the things that hurt you the most
Force yourself to be vulnerable so you can hate yourself in the morning
Cry until your eyes hurt
Avoid all human interaction until the last drum beats its quiet but powerful hum
Silence out the voices of reason
You're enveloped by whatever this is- the music will soon stop
I never liked this song anyway i want it to stop
I haven't written in a while and i wonder if this is because I'm becoming vulnerable again
Remember when i didnt rely on people and hated constant company
Remember when i didnt realize how much i needed it until i loved constant company
The thought of isolation surrounded by four walls and people i hate rooted from the only thing i am supposed to love-
Kills me
It silences me
And everything i know
Im buried in everything i hate
I become everything i despise
I see myself becoming everything i fear
I picture myself sinking into something i can never come back out of
I like to hope that there is a bigger picture
One that i cant see now
I like to hope that there is a bigger picture
That i am oblivious to its colors
I like to hope there is a bigger picture
Because i have no answer for these happenings
I have questions so many questions
But have always hated “why me”
I wonder until I bite my tongue so hard that it bleeds “why me”
I think about the amount of people who have seen me cry
And i wonder what they think
I think about how my feet become robots trained to run far from heart beats whenever i start to feel pain
these blocks of cement run fast-

I am not allowed to feel pain
Who is that and how do you comfort her
I am not allowed to feel pain
Who am i to talk about myself and expect anyone in the world to understand
I listen to the dials of my phone ring and think about what made up story i should tell you when you answer
i dont know about pain,
i can never introduce you to her

This is my call for help
The rings continue to echoe
This is my call for help
All i need is one word
This is my call for help
And i dont want concern
i just need your help
i dont want your pity
I dont need your help
And i dont expect understanding
I am asking you for
help.

Let the phone ring
pick it up on the last ring so my intrusive thoughts have enough time to throw a party
Answer
Please
all you need to say is hello

sometimes all i am asking for

is a voice to remind myself that i am alive
Let me cry