You have never
Tied your hands around my neck to
Scare me or
Thrown chairs at me or
Called me a w h o r e in
The middle of a crowded room like the last but
You tell everyone else that I am a w h o r e in
Private so
I do see much difference if
You won’t hear my side of the story like why
I don’t let people in and
Why that is because
So many others have hurt my mind and
My body  because maybe then you would
Understand the reason behind my thinking even if
It’s not always with my head and sometimes with
My *******because at least my
Conscience isn’t involved with
A situation like that and
At least I can still find pleasure no matter who
It is and where it is because
It doesn’t matter to me although
I understand it might matter to you and I am sorry because
I do not want to hurt you but that is why
I warned you that is why
I did not want to let you in even if
I wanted to even if
You didn’t want me to because
I cannot help it I can not fill in the cracks because
I need something stronger I need
Something heavy no matter if
It makes my chest cave in or
My stomach pound in pain I like it better than
My heart beating right out of my own body.