I wish I could picture all of my childhood. But it seems that I can't. I can just create these crazy, emotional, hurtful, lovely little snipets of what I felt and what I went through as a child. These snippets wouldn't even make 15% of my childhood. I wish I could remember the remaining 85% too. Like I really want to know what happened? What kind of thoughts went through my head when I used to go to bed? Did I cry when someone got rude over me? Did I get happy when I made others happy? Where did that remote controlled car go that my father gave me on my birthday? I remember people saying it was expensive and really cool that all my friends used to stare at it. But perhaps I didn't quite understand the term 'expensive' back then. I want to experience why our family left that very first house that I seem to remember as a little baby. I want to experience how my father used to hold me when I was a little baby who couldn't even crawl. I want to see his face light up when I crawled for the very first time. I want to make these little highlights whole, like a complete picture of a life I've had, of the feelings I felt, of the pain I've endured, whether its because of not getting enough milk or not getting enough love or emotional support. Maybe I want to go back. Not to stay there, but to experience and feel it again. Because sometimes I feel hollow; do I really know myself? Who am I? Where am I? How did I get here? And where did I start?