We used to be so close.
A mother and a daughter laying in the daughter’s bed passing a ball back and forth talking.
I told you everything.
All my thoughts, all my fears, all my experiences.
I cried when you left, sobbed hoping if she’ll come back, when the truth was she wasn’t.
It tore me apart when you told me that.
I tried to put everything behind me, but it keeps me up at night.
At night, I wonder how a mother could verbally and physically abuse her daughter that she loves with all her heart,
But at the same time I don’t want to know.
That night repeats in my head daily, especially when I see someone with their hands on their throat.
It sends shivers down my spine and it destroys me all over again.
I love the time we had when we were younger.
The laughs, the talks, the games, the everything.
But now I think of you and it tortures me.
I’ve given you chances after chances to redeem yourself.
To be the mother you want to be.
But I’ve given you too many chances and you’ve hurt me too much.
I always thought it was my fault just because of how many times you’ve told me “Its all your fault”, until that night.
When I got snapped out of that trance you put me in.
The night I screamed and yelled at you of how ****** you could be and how much hurt, pain, and grief.
I hope you regret what you’ve done to my family.
You’ve bashed our pride.
You have embarrassed my family and how people can pick on me because of how they have seen how you treated us when you were drunk.
I remember how we used to be and I wish I could reverse time and stay in the moment of us being an actual family.

~Suki~