I lie here in the dark
The cool morning air dries my skin
Moist after the sweaty night
I want a body next to me
Preferably yours
Just someone else who accepts me as I am
Crippled and trembling
With fear and with rejection
I am apart from everyone else
Sure, they are very kind to me now that I am no longer normal
They mean well
But I want them to mean more
I no longer have the confidence
To flirt, to beguile, to make people laugh
Oh I can raise the odd eyebrow
I tell a story
Probably the same one again and again
And they indulge me
Yes this is a form of self-pity
Not very attractive I know
But I have only myself to relate to now
I am the outsider
That people welcome into their lives
And say how amazing I am
And then they go home to their normal family,
So I lie here in the dark
Naked with myself
I brush my hands over my skin
And sometimes it feels good
And sometimes it doesn’t
I’m ****** basically
I am waiting for the sea to warm up
So that I can envelope myself in its silky charms
But I am afraid that even the sea will say no to me
Sorry chum but you’re just not up to it any more
You are an outsider