i don't feel anymore.
i don't feel the things i should be feeling,
like the sadness of grief
or the benign sense of self when you're passionate about something.
i don't feel grounded, i'm watching from the back seat
while my body makes mistakes my mind would never stand for.
******* up relationships,
******* up school,
******* up the little life i have left,
and i don't feel anything about it.
i want to feel, and so my fist slams into cement,
a dull throbbing in my joints arises,
adrenaline and anger are all that's there now,
if not only for a moment,
a second.
and i f e e l.
so i do it again,
and again,
and again,
again
again
again
A G A I N.
**** feelings.
why should i bother with these messy characters
making friends with my emotions
if i can't picture staying with them?
a girl who can't imagine making it through college
shouldn't be making connections that won't last.