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Nov 2018
Come on now, don't be shy!
Speak up, say your opinion!
They ask you over and over,
after all those years they spent
teaching you to shut the **** up!
"It's not nice to speak at the table."
"Don't talk while the adults are having a conversation."
"Go over there and play in silence."
"Listen carefully when others talk."
"Be more quiet, i can't hear the TV!"
Yeah... listen, be polite, be quiet, that's how children should be.

Then they flip a switch.
Now you don't talk enough.
"Do you even have an opinion?"
"You are so shallow."
"Don't let people order you around sweetie,
you can't make it in this world like this,
you have to tell them what you think."
They chant it one after the other.
But they are always the exceptions to this rule.
You should never say your opinion to them.
To others, tell it to others
why the **** not
but NEVER to THEM...
'Cause then you are just mean.
"How can you say such a thing?"
"What do you mean I did something wrong?"
It's your fault!
You are just a people pleaser,
what do you know about right and wrong?"

And this is just a tiny drop in the ocean.
They have an opinion about EVERYTHING.
They always know better,
they always know what's best for you.
Do they ask what you want?
Do they ask about your dreams, your plans,
your aspirations, your fears, your OPINION?
No, of course not. They just know and that's it.
Trying to talk to them is like swimming against the tide.
I don't know how to swim.
But even if I did, it would still be useless.
You are never good enough.
Everyone and everything around you
is trying to change who you are,
what you believe in, how you behave, how you react,
HOW YOU FEEL.

Judging... judging... constantly judging.
All those people, all those voices
that you gathered inside your head,
constant tenants of your mind.
Sometimes you can't even tell them apart.
They are nested in there, like in a cocoon,
raising their voices over yours,
trying their hardest to make it disappear.
Like little gremlins,
tearing up and breaking everything that was precious,
until they burn it all to the ground
and leave nothing but emptiness,
creating a kingdom of envy, pain and regret.
Where once tall coloured trees,
dreams, ideas and hope laid,
now it's just the never ending screams of these voices
versus the faded pleas of your once beautiful self,
asking begging "let me be me", "just let me be me".

But no more, enough is enough!
Take control, take back what you had,
build a new empire with whatever's left.
Believe, hope and dream
and be the "me" you want to be.
Szabo Agnes
Written by
Szabo Agnes  25/F
(25/F)   
158
 
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