how is it that you are
so inferior in so many ways, and yet you were the
best
of
them all? you did the bare minimum
only sometimes.
it’s not hard to be on time to things, you know. MOST PEOPLE are capable of getting somewhere when they said they would arrive, and not four hours late.
just so you know.

you stroked my hair and rubbed my back and you called me sweetie, and you
paid for dinner and you let me sleep in as late as I wanted and you always smelled nice.
but you
were not
the god I thought you to be.
you were imperfect
and not in the way that is
desirable.

you were ignorant and stubborn and loud and you never
*******.
cared.
what I wanted. you really didn’t.
and now i’ve struck a chord within myself
i’ve hit too close to home and the tears are falling onto my hands as i type furiously through blurring eyes
backspacing to fix my typos
even though you did these things that partners and lovers should do it wasn’t enough because you didn’t
hear me when i called for you

you were never mine
though i would have been yours

and that scares me because i am infinite
i am the light that radiates from the universe and
you
are so small you
are a speck on the surface of the sun.

i nearly lost myself to a speck