brittlelittletinyfrail
seem like words you'd use
to describe something dying
or something delicate
something beautiful

brittle
like my bones
lacking the right
vitamin
because I won't let
anything in
past my lips

little
how I want to be
but for me
it isn't easy
constantly torn between
starve
and live

tiny
and grey
like the color of my face
when things get a little dizzy
after a day of standing
and going with nothing showing
in the x-ray of my stomach

frail
like my feelings
how I want to be seen
with secret strengths
hidden just behind my teeth
that no one will see
because, no
I will not eat

and more

I am breaking                 but I am made of glue
I am defiant                    but I listen to you
I am strong                     but I'm decaying inside
I am healthy                   but I'm surprised I'm alive
I am dying                      but I'm fine

WHY DO I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THIS CONSTANT THRUM OF SUICIDE RUNNING THROUGH MY HEAD

never once does she say
'**** yourself'
oh no
she sounds like a mouse
a whisper
the first flower through the snow

she coos
'Just one less meal'
she sings
'Just one more day'
she demands
'Just one less pound'

her voice is like glass
hammered into my jawbone
sometimes when I speak
it isn't actually me

and I know she's trying to hurt me
the closer I get to her
the uglier she becomes

but her voice is like champagne
bubbling to the surface of my mind
telling me

brittlelittletinyfrail