Why aren't you listening?
Why aren't you listening?
I'm screaming out so you can hear me,
Won't you help me,
Please don't instead scare me,
I don't need more counselling I need you to find someone,
Who will really try and help me.

'Why aren't you listening?' My thoughts scream out,
But being myself, I only sit across from you and nod.
I don't want to be rude to anyone,
Especially not the doctors trying to help me,
But are you?
You keep sending me away.
I feel the tests and scans you order are just to shut me up,
Like you think you're being kind by indulging me,
Or covering your back incase something really is wrong.

Why aren't you listening?
I already know something is wrong,
I live it everyday.
I live with my thoughts too but I'm sure they're not the cause.
I do t suppress things for long,
I like to shout about them,
I like to explain.
Why won't you hear me explain?

Why aren't you listening?
Aren't you supposed to help me?
Yes doctor, I know how it looks,
I know each office I step into will house another you who will think it's either functional,
Or put on for a show instead.
I don't want to be a freak show though,
I want to be your patient.

Why aren't you listening?
Stress and anxiety is all you say,
But not social anxiety now?
That's the only anxiety I have,
So I guess it must be real.
But no
You don't want me to indulge this.
If this is how you treat a young women with social anxiety,
I don't want to know how you treat the others.
Most of the things you say or how you act,
Would set me in a downward spiral on what was an average day before.
I'm not blaming you for my social anxiety,
But perhaps I am for being quite mean and untactful.

Dear Doctor,
I'm trying to still believe
Someone like you will listen,
Who won't be mean and accusatory.
I'm willing myself to hope,
One day I'll meet you who will be nice,
Who will be half as desperate as me to discover what is causing this,
Someone who won't dismiss me.

My first question for the next appointment I go to:
"Will you listen?"