you’re holding a phone to the mirror about a foot away, the camera focused with you directly centered. your best friend talks about something or something or somewhere or someone she’s doing and you can’t help but feel like you’re behind. you ARE behind. ****** catch up.

you snap a phew photos and zoom in a bit so the photo looks more grainy. you go to work and cuff your jeans and walk without picking up your boots. you tell the girl who wants to be your friend that you can’t get a beer after work because you’re feeling like you want to get out of this space and that’s .... okay. you put your phone in your back pocket and you open up the door. you go outside.

you remember walking down a steep set of stairs in another state you haven’t visited since 2014. you remember the god awful shirt he was wearing, you remember his room smelling like **** and your body feeling so out of place. you kept your cool for twenty or so minutes. when you retell the story you like to make it seem like you ran out in a hurry but in actuality you waited a bit wondering why he didn’t kiss you. you really, really didn’t want him to, but he didn’t try.

your phone ends up back in your hand and you’re scrolling thru life sized images at an alarmingly fast rate. it beeps it buzzes. you plug it in because it’s dying. so are you. so am I