and the strangest part is
it feels like tonight's the night
but I know, deep down in my bones
that tonight is most definitely
   not the night

--

days are spent wishing for more time
hoping for new beginnings
yearning to feel skin stretched over thin bones

my days are spent
feeling spent

--

she refused to take the pills
   they made her body ache
and so
   she sits, staring into the portable sun
   on her desk of toppling memories

--

her muscles can't seem to burn enough
she trains for her war, she's getting ready
   to live her life
but she isn't feeling the pain
   where the **** is the pain

--

her veins are still too small,
her ribcage crooked,
her crossbite visible,
her dimples deep.

her collarbone shows,
her sweatshirts hang loose,
her toes are purple,
her head still bobs side to side
   when she gets lost in a song.

she is as she was
and she is as she will always be.