Dec 2012
Smile- it captures my lips
As my mind makes revolutions
Close my eyes as my thoughts flip
Until I find the ending conclusions
I've lain on my bed
Watching minutes go by
11:00, 12:00, 1:00 am is what I've read
Time is a bird, ready to fly
I smile because it conveys
All that I am feeling
Even all the breaking and pains
I experience while my mind's reeling
I don't do it to feel close to you
Or because it's a physical need
Those days are overdue
A hunger I no longer have to feed
I don't have a dependency
On what I don't obtain
Although I'm never fully free
I feel no open wounds or pain
It more resembles a scar
Simply there
But never too far
To lose it's tempting glare
The glare that sometimes becomes blinding
Not my sight, nor my judgement
But my heart, causing unwinding
Making my thoughts and heart distant
Recomposing myself took practice
Falling down and regaining balance
Becoming less and less
Resistant to you absence
You see me breathe and walk
You see me as another face
You see me speak and talk
You see I've fallen from your grace
I see you put one foot in front of the other
I see you've moved on
I see you were eager
To not carry me along
And I'm okay with it all
It's why smiles embrace my lips
And it causes tears to fall
From the corners of my eyes, to my cheeks' tips
Happiness*- it eludes my soul
I can see it inhabits you too
And when it gets cold
I remember- but you haven't a clue
As my mind makes revolutions
Close my eyes as my thoughts flip
Until I find the ending conclusions
I've lain on my bed
Watching minutes go by
11:00, 12:00, 1:00 am is what I've read
Time is a bird, ready to fly
I smile because it conveys
All that I am feeling
Even all the breaking and pains
I experience while my mind's reeling
I don't do it to feel close to you
Or because it's a physical need
Those days are overdue
A hunger I no longer have to feed
I don't have a dependency
On what I don't obtain
Although I'm never fully free
I feel no open wounds or pain
It more resembles a scar
Simply there
But never too far
To lose it's tempting glare
The glare that sometimes becomes blinding
Not my sight, nor my judgement
But my heart, causing unwinding
Making my thoughts and heart distant
Recomposing myself took practice
Falling down and regaining balance
Becoming less and less
Resistant to you absence
You see me breathe and walk
You see me as another face
You see me speak and talk
You see I've fallen from your grace
I see you put one foot in front of the other
I see you've moved on
I see you were eager
To not carry me along
And I'm okay with it all
It's why smiles embrace my lips
And it causes tears to fall
From the corners of my eyes, to my cheeks' tips
Happiness*- it eludes my soul
I can see it inhabits you too
And when it gets cold
I remember- but you haven't a clue
I spent a solid year or so trying to get over one guy, and I realize I had spent so much time being upset over the past. I finally realized he moved on, so I could too. And I did. I was happy he was happy, and that enabled me to grow a pair and get on with my life. He wouldn't include me in his life, I accepted it eventually, and let it be.
