I cough and laugh and smile with thoughts of you, I remember that bit of annoyance that would break your lips, that shift in your eyes. It's been almost as long as we dated. What did you think in September? I forgot until it was October and then I realized and thought; where are you and what are you up to I've been listening to artist and songs that you showed me, I like them more now, a sort of time machine. I think of you when I *******, not every time. Just when I'm feeling sad. I think of you when I make eggs and when I use my laptop I think of you when I see anything of Beauty I think of you when I see a chihuahua or a golden lab. When I take acid I think of you and get so **** happy and I just wish for you to be happy and I wish for things to be okay and I wish I could just say hi and I wish things weren't weird between us. And maybe it's not. I stay in this house and see what could've been, some altered dimension with pictures of our friends and family on the walls, dog beds covering the ground. Our toothbrushes in their chargers on the sink. Your Halloween decorations still up; I bet in a couple of months it'll look like The Nightmare Before Christmas on our porch. I have no idea what will happen in the years to come; I just hope you're doing well.