As I go back to my memories
I feel what I see
when I remember
who and what I used to be

A young boy has his dreams
his nightmares
his judgement
and instinct

Feeling his own
right and wrong
suffering and bliss
danger and comfort
sadness and happiness
hate and love

How the days seemed to drag on
as if I were waiting for an end
wanting to get the worst over with
so I may enjoy the best in the end

I felt a little less love
and little more tough
each day seemed to lead to the worst
with all the things I would learn

The kind of people I did not like
the people who beat people
the people who ***** people
the people who neglected people
and the people who let it happen

I can't blame gender
I can't blame age
just people
because we all are

So why does it happen
not just to our skin
but also underneath
where the pain is longer felt

So much happened around me
I could not control
all the pain and misery
I did not want in my world

I just wanted happiness
I wanted love
with all it's warmth and affection
but it seems to cause a lot of pain

I didn't want the drugs
I didn't want the selfishness
I didn't want the neglect
I didn't want the violence

So many promises were made
so many were broken
so little kept
what was the point in the disappointment

I didn't want to ask what's wrong with the world
I think I have seen enough
I wanted to know what's right
and how to change the wrong to right

Because I didn't want to grow up
in a world filled with lust and greed
yet now I feel them both
inside of me

Doing things now the child in me did not like
I feel as if I have disappointed a child
because I have disappointed myself
giving in to wicked temptation

My corruption
is my understanding
feeling pain is more alive
than no pain at all
as if to feel bliss was dead

It always gets worse
and it always gets better
that's how it always is
and always will be

As time goes on
we get creative with suffering

What is given to a child
a child will use to create
who he/she will be
and will never stop

You can find yourself
when you forget

May childhood never end