Nov 2018
You say you’re here to help me,
but you don’t know the pain and suffering I am feeling even if there is no reason for the pain.
I feel the constant feeling of loneliness that is always following me around.
You say that there is a reason for everything,
I don’t believe you because you don’t understand my brain and how it works.
You know the basics of how to tell if something is going on,
But you don’t know the thoughts running through my head.
The bigger picture that you aren’t seeing the pain you may see in my eyes,
but you don’t know why it’s there you don’t know how many people I have had to stop from ending themselves from their last and only true mistake that would have been you wouldn’t think it that many how is it possible,
I’m 14 the count is higher than most would be comfortable the way you try to put yourself into my shoes is something you can’t do without taking on all my pain and suffering from others that I have helped the ones i couldn't.
I have fixed so many people without the thought of its effect on my mental health.
I can tell you it is negative are you going to tell me that the things you hear from people so young hasn’t affected your mental health?
Think try to remember, now try to honestly tell me that your mental health is sane that you are the one who can help and take my pain away?
should I just keep up helping those who have issue ‘s and refuse to talk to people like you then i drive myself insane past the breaking point beyond fixing.
the point where I have realized that this world is gone and beyond fixing because it is corrupt,
and has lost sight of what truly matters by now I’m losing faith in our world our culture our prospects of life.
Losing hope for the others my age who I couldn’t get to before they dug the blade deep deeper then fixing not reaching fast enough to knock the gun from their hands before they pull the trigger. to untie the noose around their neck. from stopping them from taking pills or purposely overdosing. not able o drain the water before they drown themselves.
Every child whose life is lost to suicide is another hope another piece of my brain gone down the drain replaced with the dark thoughts it is a wonder why I haven’t fallen,
yet I keep standing fighting fights for those who think they can’t fight no more.
so can you continue to tell me that it will get better that it wasn't my fault i couldn't save him that i did what i could even though i know i could have done more,
because his words saying something i should have taken seriously no one knew that he talked to that he confided in me i didn't take it seriously because he hadn't talked to me much before,
his words his voice echoes in my head telling me asking silently what he couldn't ask his friends he needed someone he didn't know to tell his last wish his silent cry for help.
that i didn't understand until it was to late keeping my mouth shut not saying anything.
separating myself pretending that he never really talked to me but now i can't hide the truth any more so until you have lost someone to suicide and didn't know they were asking for help without asking then you can say that you know were i am coming from.
but you don’t know the pain and suffering I am feeling even if there is no reason for the pain.
I feel the constant feeling of loneliness that is always following me around.
You say that there is a reason for everything,
I don’t believe you because you don’t understand my brain and how it works.
You know the basics of how to tell if something is going on,
But you don’t know the thoughts running through my head.
The bigger picture that you aren’t seeing the pain you may see in my eyes,
but you don’t know why it’s there you don’t know how many people I have had to stop from ending themselves from their last and only true mistake that would have been you wouldn’t think it that many how is it possible,
I’m 14 the count is higher than most would be comfortable the way you try to put yourself into my shoes is something you can’t do without taking on all my pain and suffering from others that I have helped the ones i couldn't.
I have fixed so many people without the thought of its effect on my mental health.
I can tell you it is negative are you going to tell me that the things you hear from people so young hasn’t affected your mental health?
Think try to remember, now try to honestly tell me that your mental health is sane that you are the one who can help and take my pain away?
should I just keep up helping those who have issue ‘s and refuse to talk to people like you then i drive myself insane past the breaking point beyond fixing.
the point where I have realized that this world is gone and beyond fixing because it is corrupt,
and has lost sight of what truly matters by now I’m losing faith in our world our culture our prospects of life.
Losing hope for the others my age who I couldn’t get to before they dug the blade deep deeper then fixing not reaching fast enough to knock the gun from their hands before they pull the trigger. to untie the noose around their neck. from stopping them from taking pills or purposely overdosing. not able o drain the water before they drown themselves.
Every child whose life is lost to suicide is another hope another piece of my brain gone down the drain replaced with the dark thoughts it is a wonder why I haven’t fallen,
yet I keep standing fighting fights for those who think they can’t fight no more.
so can you continue to tell me that it will get better that it wasn't my fault i couldn't save him that i did what i could even though i know i could have done more,
because his words saying something i should have taken seriously no one knew that he talked to that he confided in me i didn't take it seriously because he hadn't talked to me much before,
his words his voice echoes in my head telling me asking silently what he couldn't ask his friends he needed someone he didn't know to tell his last wish his silent cry for help.
that i didn't understand until it was to late keeping my mouth shut not saying anything.
separating myself pretending that he never really talked to me but now i can't hide the truth any more so until you have lost someone to suicide and didn't know they were asking for help without asking then you can say that you know were i am coming from.
