Sometimes my anxiety gets the best of me.
I can not manage to be stable.
At times breathing hurts.
At times my speech becomes slurred.
At times my hands start to sweat excessively.
At times I get unreasonably angry.
At times my vision starts to blur.
At times I can not grasp what is really real.
As my heart starts to erratically pound I know I am at the point of an anxiety attack.
I take in deep breathes and wipe my sweaty hands and try to ground myself somehow.
I usually focus on a happier memory I know is somewhere deep in my memory.
If I cannot recall an uplifting moment I distract myself and instead immerse myself in a crack on the wall or how many tiles there are on the floor.
As the blurriness takes time to fade and my breathing stabilizes, I think optimistically: I controlled myself, I am in power of myself and it is okay.
But at times it isn't enough and I relapse into the helplessness.
Each time I realize how far away I am from normalcy.
At times breathing is a chore I am too tired to do.
At times the crushing anxiety makes it harder to exist.
But there are moments of beauty which makes living bearable.
As I see the beauty I know there is more to life than pain.
At times I am stunned by the beauty that is earth.
At times that is just enough for me.