so far there has been
no greater pain
than having my mother
look at me with disgust

to have her
strip me of my humanity;
of my dignity

all because of her own issues
all because of her own feelings
all because dad’s dead
all because sister dear wants to die
all because there’s no money
all because i have an opinion
all because i want a voice

i just want
for one moment
my mother to be proud of me
to look at me and be genuinely kind
to talk to me with the same respect she expects me to have for her

but how can respect be reciprocated in a toxic environment?
respect has to be earned.
she thinks i have not yet and will not
earn that respect
maybe she’s right.
maybe **** her.
i don’t really care anymore