I am no good at saying
No to you,
I only know how to hold it on my tongue
how to swallow it.

No
it is bitter
yet smooth
sliding down my throat
like coffee,
two creams,
no sugar.

No
does not stick in my mouth,
it slips down
into my stomach
easily
without complaint.

like something that I have practiced
my silence is muscle memory
and I do not choke on it
but it makes my insides churn.

And still, I let you return
over
and
over
so I can Not say No to you
Just once more.