a change of scene
from a boy whose hands are tainted with my blood
whose heart knows the ins and outs of my love
to one whose last name still sounds new
what was his last name, again?

a change of scene
to a boy who smiles demurely
like it is a secret he is capable of something so beautiful
demure isn’t a word you would associate with a boy
but this one is;
soft in every sense of the word
and i’ve come to enjoy hearing him talk
about mundane things and important things

but often i feel i am falling
for the feeling of falling
loving for the sake of loving
often i feel i am being redundant in my proclamations of love
because i simply don’t love him
perhaps a change of scene is just that;
a change, nothing more,
nothing less

but it is entirely true that my heart trips when i see him smile
and that when my face is close to his my mind goes hazy
is this not how i felt last time? was i not in love before?

maybe i love him, i think i love him

maybe the third time’s the charm
maybe this one will stick
this love is somewhat uninspired
like a stand-in to convince myself
i can love someone else
and i can love artificially
without bleeding on the carpet
but it is also innocent
in the way i watch his lip curl
and get distracted when his eyes widen

this love
probably isn’t love
but it is warm and taking its own shape
and it does not cut me deep like i have been before
so what choice do i have?