The tables have been turned and all my kitchen wear on the floor.. I was holding my shoe in my hand I could not believe that someone had **** near broke everything in my house.  The tv was gone and they ripped my seats to shreads. I don't know what they were looking for but i'll tell you something for sure it wasn't the cushions. Even in that moment the loss i was experiencing without couldn't match the one within.

I miss her, i do.... My dearest Yuri. The one who woke me up at night in dramatic cries and seemed sort of angry that she wasn't swimmjng in my womb anymore. The one who seemes to enjoy crapping herself and make me clean the mess up.  The one who looked at me and in those seconds of locking eyes we knew we were meant for each other. Ooooh Baby...

What worse could those thieves do to me.  Haven't i seen it all.. Death was the biggest and most hurtful of all the *******!!!  Taking the life out of me.... Without a care of how he would leave me. Death is like a man who takes and takes and never gives. Always wanting you to be the victim... Hell even hell wants you to survive the fire today so you could burn some more tomorrow.

Now the women look at me like a failure.. A woman who couldn't keep a crying baby alive.... And what could I have done?  If i could breathe her my own life I could. Without a second to spare. I would trade it.  She was dying and I could not do a thing to help. How useless can mortality be? What is the purpose of life if you cannot live with those you truly care for. She chocked. She was suckking to much.. I was sleeping. I was tired and I lost myself for a second... But a second is what it took for the passerby to grab her.

Uugh blood.... Cut from the glasses on the floor. Honestly did they have to make such a mess... How hard is it to not break stuff. Do clean job.. My God... Proffesional thieves need to come back in town. I mean there was no one in the house... They even broke my special flask... Hell, my only heart was broken and am still walking like a 'normal' person.

Yuri... My sweet Yuri.. Sometimes I see you everyhwere.  My mother comes every other day to check up on me... She says she has to.  I don't have to go through this on my own.. But why does it feel like i am.  I feel like the air has changed it chokes now . I feel like the spaces are cornering me. Like am walking round in circles. The Exodus!  

Cleaning up my house helps. I don't need the police at this point... What more can they do anyway?  All my glasses are broken not to mention my seats and my tables. They even threw my cooking *** on the floor! Honestly were they trying to hurt me. Tough luck someone beat them to it. I don't need the police bringing in pieces of me that I want to leave behind.

Yes cleaning helps.... Maybe one day I will clean up my closet or what is left of it anyway. But right now am ready to leave the memories and the nightmares.  Maybe i can make peace.