I pretend to be asleep
And wish I was
But my mind races
About that which I must do
But never wanted
About recent shortcomings
Worried about more to come
About my eventual death

Will anyone notice?

Certainly not the others
Who are awake right now
Racing past my home
Unaware of my existence
On their way to or from
At four o’clock a.m.

And certainly not the billions
Across the globe who
Have no reason to concern themselves
With a stranger
In middle class America
Living a comfortable life
Worried about a death unlikely to come soon
While they fight just to survive today

Probably not the thousands
With whom I’ve had brief encounters
Barely brushing through their lives
With hardly an impact
They may see my face
Or recognize my name
But they cannot place it
And they go about their day

There are hundreds of whom I know
And they know me
By face and by name
In an instant
Hundreds with whom I have lived
And had impact
Who may consider me a friend
Or a colleague
Or even a mentor
Surely they would notice

This is the dichotomy of death
I wish not for them to suffer
But need to know I will be missed
I want my absence to be noticed
But for all to find happiness
I want them to mourn
And not forget me
But also to live on
Full and happy lives

This cannot be ensured
We can never be certain
Yet must live as if we are
Without fear of anonymity
Or an empty funeral
Try to make an impact each day
And hope that it matters
To someone
Somewhere