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Watermelon Diet

by @scott-gunnion

It was the watermelon diet, he said That's what killed me A lie as ripe as the freshest rind Listen to the man He was there at my deathbed Though he never cared for my diet It was the watermelon diet not some virus That consigned me to the Gods The watermelon diet Why now do they doubt my exotic pallet? They've turned a blind eye to everything else until now For months, I guzzled nothing but sweet watermelon Fat mounds of flesh between my greedy cheeks The sheer volume of water left me bloated Before I shed an immense amount of baggage What else could be to blame? Enough of your questions and on to the cremation We'll see whether watermelon burns immortal It began in Africa- no lie there And comes in seedless varieties I never planted mine Though I wasn't want for trying I can still taste the bitter juices as I lay here in my crypt An artful coroner smelt a rat Or a chance- to prove his mettle Never heard of any watermelon diet This is Palm Springs not Papa Nu Guinea A sample of tissue foiled our grand conspiracy Same thing that got Rock Hudson But they kept a straight face Kept to the story, mindful of my legacy I'm not just any faggot Takes something grand and elaborate to dispose of me An immigrant farmhand once told me “watermelon cure the AIDS” And I believed him At least that's what I'd have you believe End
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Written by
scott-gunnion
30 / M / Liverpool
For You?
Written by
scott-gunnion
30 / M / Liverpool
Published
Oct 26, 2018
Time
3m
Notes

This was inspired by the outlandish attempt to cover up the reason behind Liberace’s death, that being AIDS. His inner circle conspired to conceal this and claimed that it was the watermelon diet which brought about the entertainer’s demise. This piece seeks to parody the grand farce behind the attempted cover up.

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