Sometimes I dread showering because it means I have to walk by the mirror
And I hate the idea of seeing myself
How I look
How others must see me
It is the one thing I truly fear:
Myself

Most days a fake smile is enough to believe I'm happy,
Some days I can't fake it no matter how hard I try

I'm in a slump and I feel useless
I don't want to get up
I don't want to sleep
I don't want to create
I don't want to exist
Its too tiring

But when I think of the people I'll disappoint if I just left,
I cry because they'd be devastated

I can't drown my sorrows in alcohol because I don't like it
I can't numb the pain with drugs because I can't afford them
So I sit here,
In the shower,
Trying to scrub it away

Letting the water cleanse my pores
And my soul
Even though in the next 10 minutes it'll be like it never left