Sometimes I dream of how it is
To let go and finally feel nothing
Nothing in a meaning of nothing
Nothing not in a meaning of empty

And in those dreams I sometimes look into the coffin
And sometimes just to the ground
Where my selfless body lies
And birds sing while wind cries
Both combining into heartbreaking elegy nobody will ever hear

But then I wake up and
I realize there's nothing I could leave behind when I'm gone
Just a room with white walls and table with funny stones
I believed they would protect me
Both from world and me and my self-destructive nature

What if they are useless like I am?
Just laying there, waiting for somebody to pick them up
And give them purpose they need for their existence
Or else they will just fall apart to useless pieces
Useless pieces of what used to be whole

It's shameful writing these words
When I feel terribly again for no reason that people would take seriously
When I am in the bed, trying to sleep but I'm an insomniac as a day
As I try to forget who I was yesterday

I'm not falling for depression neither anxiety
I don't have all the symptoms but why do I feel like it?
And I'm not bipolar, I checked some facts
I'm just casually fading away every day

And no one sees it
I finally feel lonely, not alone - straight up lonely
There's this feeling like I don't fit in
And I feel like another angsty teenager writing a poem
About how life ***** when you are different
But I don't care

I just want someone to hold me
Someone to listen to me
Just one person who would go to my funeral
That one beautiful soul

Where are you?
Where are you when I feel like this?
I don't know who you are but I keep Calling your name over and over again, hoping
You will hear my desperate voice and come to save me

Today I don't even have a strength to cry over all of this
I'm tired of falling apart, of kissing my parts goodbye
I need some sleep but I'm afraid I don't want to wake up
Would flowers grow above me soon?
Am I too young to ask that question?

And is it alright for me to be like this?
Was I independent in the past or blind to these feelings I have now
It would make sense, as I found out I feel either nothing or everything
It's like washing the clouds in sunny day

I don't feel safe anymore, my heart is weak
I can't help but keep falling down for my own misery I've written for myself
My sense of stability is missing again and I don't want to bother
I guess I just need to find person inside of me to fulfill their place

I'll bring myself flowers, I'll carry my soul
I'll sing myself sad and sleepy songs
And I'll say goodbye to myself with a smile
Today I found out I'm the only person I need on my funeral